Powerful Poem

I said, "God, I hurt." And God said, I know." 
I said, "God, I cry a lot." And God said, "That is why I gave you tears." 
I said, "God, I am so depressed." And God said, "That is why I gave you Sunshine." 
I said, "God, life is so hard." And God said, "That is why I gave you loved ones." 
I said, "God, my loved one died." And God said, "So did mine." 
I said, "God, it is such a loss." And God said, I saw mine nailed to a cross." 
I said, "God, but your loved one lives." And God said, "So does yours." 
I said, "God, where are they now?" And God said, "Mine is on My right and yours is in the Light." 
I said, "God, it hurts." And God said, I know."

~Brandon Tran

While I was still in the hospital after the loss of our Precious James Isaac, someone sent a copy of this poem to me on a small scrap of paper.  I carried that scrap of a paper around with me everywhere I went for years and pulled it out to read it over and over again.  I finally had to put the scrap of paper in a scrapbook because I was afraid it was going to fall apart and I wouldn't have it anymore.  I still keep a copy of the poem with me whether that be in my Bible, on my phone or tablet, or copied into a notebook I keep in my purse at all times.

It is difficult to describe the powerful emotions this poem has always invoked in me since the very first time I read it.  To say that I have cherished these words is an understatement.  I am not even completely sure who it was who sent it to me.  I think it was a nurse on the neo-natal floor, but as it came inside one of the many cards I received during that time, I can only be sure of when I received it.  But it doesn't matter exactly who sent it to me.  What matters are the words of the poem and the voice of God that has always spoken to me through the words of this poem.

As someone who accepted Christ into her heart at a very young age--I was somewhere between 3 and 4 years old when I prayed the Sinner's Prayer and I have stayed true to that since then, I have always felt a great sadness and appreciation for Christ coming to this earth as a human to live so that He might die a horrific death simply because God loves me.  It's a powerful message that draws us as early Christians in its very simplicity in our longing, our desire, to be loved.

But as a Mom who was not given a choice in "giving up" her son (3 children all told), I began to understand more fully what--exactly--God did for me because He loves me.  If I had my CHOICE, I certainly would never have CHOSEN to "give up" my son (or my other two beloveds).  I wanted each of my children when I was pregnant with them and I still want them here with me now.  

Do you see where this is going?!

But God loved me so very much that He sent His ONLY Son--on purpose (meaning He CHOSE to send His son)--specifically so that His Son would die a horrible death so that I might have eternal life with Him.  God CHOSE to sacrifice His Son.  God Chose to allow His Son to die a horrific death not because He didn't love His own Son, but because He loved ME--and you--so much, He GAVE His Son as THE BLOOD SACRIFICE to atone for my (and your) sins.  

I love my family and friends.  I truly do, but even as much as I love you all, I don't know that I would (could) be able to CHOOSE to give up my son.  If I had my way, my James Isaac would be here with us, enjoying this "ice" day off from school.  The fact that God CHOSE to sacrifice His Son is something that I "get" better now than I ever did before simply because of the fact that I had my son stolen--taken--ripped from me.  I had no CHOICE in the matter and my heart continues to ache and yearn for him even now, 16 years later.

So I guess that this post is about the Love God has for you and that if you have not received Him as your Lord and Savior, I hope that you can see through these words that He LOVES you so much that He purposely sent His Son to die so that you might have life and have it more abundantly.  God is so good.  I never would have made it through these past 16 years if He wasn't with me every step of the way.  

I would be happy to pray with you if you would like:  pandapaw48@gmail.com

God's richest blessings to you....

God Still Rescues

Exodus 13-14 New Living Translation (NLT) 

13 3 So Moses said to the people, “This is a day to remember forever—the day you left Egypt, the place of your slavery. Today the Lord has brought you out by the power of his mighty hand.  5 You must celebrate this event...
8 “On the seventh day you must explain to your children, ‘I am celebrating what the Lord did for me when I left Egypt.’ 9 This annual festival will be a visible sign to you, like a mark branded on your hand or your forehead. Let it remind you always to recite this teaching of the Lord: ‘With a strong hand, the Lord rescued you from Egypt.’[b] 10 So observe the decree of this festival at the appointed time each year.14 “And in the future, your children will ask you, ‘What does all this mean?’ Then you will tell them, ‘With the power of his mighty hand, the Lord brought us out of Egypt, the place of our slavery. 16 This ceremony will be like a mark branded on your hand or your forehead. It is a reminder that the power of the Lord’s mighty hand brought us out of Egypt.”Israel’s Wilderness Detour17 When Pharaoh finally let the people go, God did not lead them along the main road that runs through Philistine territory, even though that was the shortest route to the Promised Land. God said, “If the people are faced with a battle, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.” 18 So God led them in a roundabout way through the wilderness....21 The Lord went ahead of them. He guided them during the day with a pillar of cloud, and he provided light at night with a pillar of fire. This allowed them to travel by day or by night. 22 And the Lord did not remove the pillar of cloud or pillar of fire from its place in front of the people.14 10 As Pharaoh approached, the people of Israel looked up and panicked when they saw the Egyptians overtaking them. They cried out to the Lord...
13 But Moses told the people, “Don’t be afraid. Just stand still and watch theLord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again.14 The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.”Escape through the Red Sea15 Then the Lord said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to me? Tell the people to get moving! 16 Pick up your staff and raise your hand over the sea. Divide the water so the Israelites can walk through the middle of the sea on dry ground. 17 And I will harden the hearts of the Egyptians, and they will charge in after the Israelites. My great glory will be displayed through Pharaoh and his troops, his chariots, and his charioteers. 18 When my glory is displayed through them, all Egypt will see my glory and know that I am the Lord!”19 Then the angel of God, who had been leading the people of Israel, moved to the rear of the camp. The pillar of cloud also moved from the front and stood behind them.
25 He twisted[f] their chariot wheels, making their chariots difficult to drive. “Let’s get out of here—away from these Israelites!” the Egyptians shouted. “The Lord is fighting for them against Egypt!”29 But the people of Israel had walked through the middle of the sea on dry ground, as the water stood up like a wall on both sides.  31 When the people of Israel saw the mighty power that the Lord had unleashed against the Egyptians, they were filled with awe before him. They put their faith in the Lord.... 

New Living Translation (NLT)Holy Bible. New Living Translation copyright© 1996, 2004, 2007, 2013 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

*Yes, there are verses and words missing from the above.  I tried to indicate where I broke off.  I know you know the story and I wanted certain parts to stand out.  Please read the whole story in the Bible when you get a chance.*

I beg your indulgence here as I break down the Word I have received from the Lord in these verses....

Exodus 13-14 New Living Translation (NLT)

13 3 So Moses said to the people, “This is a day to remember forever—the day you left Egypt, the place of your slavery. Today the Lord has brought you out by the power of his mighty hand.  5 You must celebrate this event...8 “On the seventh day you must explain to your children, ‘I am celebrating what the Lord did for me when I left Egypt.’ 9 This annual festival will be a visible sign to you, like a mark branded on your hand or your forehead. Let it remind you always to recite this teaching of the Lord: ‘With a strong hand, the Lord rescued you from Egypt.’[b] 10 So observe the decree of this festival at the appointed time each year.14 “And in the future, your children will ask you, ‘What does all this mean?’ Then you will tell them, ‘With the power of his mighty hand, the Lord brought us out of Egypt, the place of our slavery. 16 This ceremony will be like a mark branded on your hand or your forehead. It is a reminder that the power of the Lord’s mighty hand brought us out of Egypt.”Israel’s Wilderness Detour

We are meant to remember the day we left our own Egypt, the place of our slavery--to celebrate the Lord bringing us out by the power of his mighty hand.  My "Egypt" (my place of slavery) in recent years has been a place of rage and depression.  At its height, I also dealt with severe anxiety.  I was a basket case.  I honestly wondered why I was still walking around in public rather than sitting inside a hospital under careful watch.  As I have mentioned before, things were so bad, I hated everything about my life.  In my desperation, like the Israelites, I cried out to God and He heard my cry.

17 When Pharaoh finally let the people go, God did not lead them along the main road that runs through Philistine territory, even though that was the shortest route to the Promised Land. God said, “If the people are faced with a battle, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.” 18 So God led them in a roundabout way through the wilderness....21 The Lord went ahead of them. He guided them during the day with a pillar of cloud, and he provided light at night with a pillar of fire. This allowed them to travel by day or by night. 22 And the Lord did not remove the pillar of cloud or pillar of fire from its place in front of the people.

Do you see that?  God did not lead the Israelites along the

straightest, shortest, quickest route to The Promised Land.  God led them in a roundabout way through the wilderness!  My journey to my own personal Promised Land has not been the straightest, shortest, or quickest route.  It is frustrating and, quite often, very discouraging.  I want to get to my Promised Land.  I want to be healed completely of my rage, depression, and anxiety.  I hate when I go to those horrible places.  I hate myself when I lose my temper or when I go days on end wanting to curl up into a ball and give up on life.  But when I am at my lowest, all I have to do is look up and see my Lord as He leads me through this horrific journey.  When I am at my lowest, He is still there, guiding and lighting my way.  It truly is a source of great comfort knowing that I am not alone in this long, horrific journey.

10 As Pharaoh approached, the people of Israel looked up and panicked when they saw the Egyptians overtaking them. They cried out to the Lord...

13 But Moses told the people, “Don’t be afraid. Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again.14 The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.”Escape through the Red Sea 15 Then the Lord said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to me? Tell the people to get moving! 16 Pick up your staff and raise your hand over the sea. Divide the water so the Israelites can walk through the middle of the sea on dry ground. 17 And I will harden the hearts of the Egyptians, and they will charge in after the Israelites. My great glory will be displayed through Pharaoh and his troops, his chariots, and his charioteers. 18 When my glory is displayed through them, all Egypt will see my glory and know that I am the Lord!”19 Then the angel of God, who had been leading the people of Israel, moved to the rear of the camp. The pillar of cloud also moved from the front and stood behind them.

25 He twisted[f] their chariot wheels, making their chariots difficult to drive. “Let’s get out of here—away from these Israelites!” the Egyptians shouted. “The Lord is fighting for them against Egypt!”29 But the people of Israel had walked through the middle of the sea on dry ground, as the water stood up like a wall on both sides.  31 When the people of Israel saw the mighty power that the Lord had unleashed against the Egyptians, they were filled with awe before him. They put their faith in the Lord.... 

This word for the Israelites, "Don't be afraid.  Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today" is for His people still TODAY.  Yes, this passage of scripture is speaking specifically about the Israelites as they escape slavery in Egypt, but when we read the Word, we are reminded over and over that He is still with us; He is still rescuing us!  Ephesians tells us to put on the armor of God so that we may STAND and see His glory.  Just as God fought the Egyptians for the Israelites, God will fight for us--for you!  For me!  He is fighting for me!  He loves me so much that He is rescuing me from the cave (of rage, depression, and anxiety) that I have been in!  

And the best part?  His great glory will be displayed through His salvation!  Others will see His glory when my rescue is complete--when I reach my own Promised Land!  I don't want or deserve any glory or recognition for coming out of a place of rage, depression, or anxiety.  If it were up to me, like the Israelites, I would want to go back to Egypt (my place of slavery) because it was safe there....I was comfortable there....it was familiar ground.  

This winding, twisting journey the Lord has me on is scary, frustrating, and often discouraging because the Promised Land of complete healing seems so very far away.  But God is going before and behind me.  He is making a way where there seems to be no way.  And when the enemy attempts to attack me again and get me to turn back to that horrible place of darkness, God's command to me is to stand back and watch Him fight for me--watch Him RESCUE me!!!

Hallelujah!  I am so thankful.  I gotta tell ya, friends, that the fact that my job is just to stand and watch is more wonderful than words can describe.  Going on this journey is exhausting.  I am tired.  I barely even have enough energy left to Stand, so I certainly don't have enough energy to fight.  

Thank You, Lord.  Thank You.  Thank You.  Thank You!  My journey isn't over.  I am not out of my cave--I haven't reached the Promised Land God has prepared for me, yet.  But I am on my way and God is going before me and behind me.  He is with me through every single step of this journey.  I do not need to be afraid.  I just need to STAND and watch the might power of the Lord!