11 But I don’t have the strength to endure.
I have nothing to live for."
We still love our Lord and Savior, but we simply "don't have the strength" to go on. Like Job, we feel that we "have nothing [left] to live for."
It is in these moments when JOY is as hidden as the end of a rainbow. We long for JOY--to be released from our deep sadness, but it wraps tight around us with the strength of gravity. We are powerless against it.
I have been in such a state for longer than I care to admit. Suffice it to say that 10 years is a low estimate.
As God has been healing me over the past year or so, though, I have felt the power of the sadness lessen more and more. I purposefully began to CHOOSE happiness--JOY. I began by keeping a Gratitude list in a little red moleskin journal that I carry in my purse with me. Anytime I thought of something I was grateful for, I wrote it down in my little red book. It was not easy as I often even forgot that I had that little red book. After a while, though, I found myself writing in it more and more. I was finding it easier and easier to write down things I was grateful for.
I found an online group called "The 30-Day Pollyanna Plan." The woman who operated that Facebook group challenged the participants to post something she (or he) was GLAD about each day for 30 days (or longer). I did that consistently for 30 days. While I no longer post specifically to her group, I continue to keep up with the posts of the group.
I continued to post, on my own, things I was GLAD about for the next year or so. Something whenever I thought of it. Sometimes it was one thing. Other times it was several things.
From there, I moved to writing 5 things positive about my day--every day. I posted most of those on Facebook for several months. I had made a very conscious decision to be more positive at work. I was finding that I was doing an awful lot of complaining, but not much was changing. I made a CHOICE to accept what was and to begin being positive whether I liked what was--or not. I called it #ThePollyAnnaPlan.
As 2015 came to a close, I wanted to change things up a little bit, so I went back to writing one positive every day. I decided to ask the question, "What brings me JOY?" And to answer that every day--on Facebook. I call this one #ThePollyAnnaJOYPlan.
Being positive or finding something to be Joy-full about every single day is NOT easy. Even after doing such things for a full year and then some, I still have days when I just do not FEEL Joy-full, no matter what I do or say. But I have made a CHOICE to be positive and to be JOY-full--regardless. As the days pass, I am feeling the difference--in myself, in my interactions with others around me, with my responses to difficult situations, buy even more wonderful are the differences I'm seeing in those I interact with daily.
God is using my CHOICE to make the difference. I pray that I continue to be a light for Him, showering those around me the JOY only He can give.
Works Cited
Shen, Jean. "Series 1: Healing of Wounds of the Bride and Growing Intimacy with the Lord." Invitation to His Garden. Prophetic Art. Web. 6 Sept. 2014. <http://www.jbrushwork.com/html/paintings.html>.
