Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Powerful Poem

I said, "God, I hurt." And God said, I know." 
I said, "God, I cry a lot." And God said, "That is why I gave you tears." 
I said, "God, I am so depressed." And God said, "That is why I gave you Sunshine." 
I said, "God, life is so hard." And God said, "That is why I gave you loved ones." 
I said, "God, my loved one died." And God said, "So did mine." 
I said, "God, it is such a loss." And God said, I saw mine nailed to a cross." 
I said, "God, but your loved one lives." And God said, "So does yours." 
I said, "God, where are they now?" And God said, "Mine is on My right and yours is in the Light." 
I said, "God, it hurts." And God said, I know."

~Brandon Tran

While I was still in the hospital after the loss of our Precious James Isaac, someone sent a copy of this poem to me on a small scrap of paper.  I carried that scrap of a paper around with me everywhere I went for years and pulled it out to read it over and over again.  I finally had to put the scrap of paper in a scrapbook because I was afraid it was going to fall apart and I wouldn't have it anymore.  I still keep a copy of the poem with me whether that be in my Bible, on my phone or tablet, or copied into a notebook I keep in my purse at all times.

It is difficult to describe the powerful emotions this poem has always invoked in me since the very first time I read it.  To say that I have cherished these words is an understatement.  I am not even completely sure who it was who sent it to me.  I think it was a nurse on the neo-natal floor, but as it came inside one of the many cards I received during that time, I can only be sure of when I received it.  But it doesn't matter exactly who sent it to me.  What matters are the words of the poem and the voice of God that has always spoken to me through the words of this poem.

As someone who accepted Christ into her heart at a very young age--I was somewhere between 3 and 4 years old when I prayed the Sinner's Prayer and I have stayed true to that since then, I have always felt a great sadness and appreciation for Christ coming to this earth as a human to live so that He might die a horrific death simply because God loves me.  It's a powerful message that draws us as early Christians in its very simplicity in our longing, our desire, to be loved.

But as a Mom who was not given a choice in "giving up" her son (3 children all told), I began to understand more fully what--exactly--God did for me because He loves me.  If I had my CHOICE, I certainly would never have CHOSEN to "give up" my son (or my other two beloveds).  I wanted each of my children when I was pregnant with them and I still want them here with me now.  

Do you see where this is going?!

But God loved me so very much that He sent His ONLY Son--on purpose (meaning He CHOSE to send His son)--specifically so that His Son would die a horrible death so that I might have eternal life with Him.  God CHOSE to sacrifice His Son.  God Chose to allow His Son to die a horrific death not because He didn't love His own Son, but because He loved ME--and you--so much, He GAVE His Son as THE BLOOD SACRIFICE to atone for my (and your) sins.  

I love my family and friends.  I truly do, but even as much as I love you all, I don't know that I would (could) be able to CHOOSE to give up my son.  If I had my way, my James Isaac would be here with us, enjoying this "ice" day off from school.  The fact that God CHOSE to sacrifice His Son is something that I "get" better now than I ever did before simply because of the fact that I had my son stolen--taken--ripped from me.  I had no CHOICE in the matter and my heart continues to ache and yearn for him even now, 16 years later.

So I guess that this post is about the Love God has for you and that if you have not received Him as your Lord and Savior, I hope that you can see through these words that He LOVES you so much that He purposely sent His Son to die so that you might have life and have it more abundantly.  God is so good.  I never would have made it through these past 16 years if He wasn't with me every step of the way.  

I would be happy to pray with you if you would like:  pandapaw48@gmail.com

God's richest blessings to you....

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