A close friend of my family lost her grandson over the weekend. He was only 25 years old. Yes, the loss is tragic and horrific. He was the only child of his parents, but one of approximately 7 grandchildren for my friend.
In spite of the fact that I have lost children myself, I still find it difficult knowing what to say or how to offer comfort to my friend and her family. Hugs simply don't seem to be enough. I know that words right now really aren't as much comfort because so many words can be accidentally hurtful and that is the worst thing we as friends, family, and loved ones can do for those grieving so heavily.
I know this is how my friends, family, and loved ones felt with each
of my losses, but this time, I'm on that side, too, and I simply feel useless. I know that my friend and her daughter's family are believers, but I also know that as a believer myself, even words of scripture from well-meaning, well-intentioned loved ones could pierce my heart like a sword and make room for the enemy to creep in--to pull me ever deeper into depression and anxiety.
Think of Job's friends and how they spouted scripture at Job and reminded him of things of God, but in the end, only Job was found righteous by God. God even had Job sacrifice and pray for his friends to be forgiven because of their unbelief and lack of true concern and understanding of Job's situation. The best thing Job's friends did for him was sit with him in the early days and grieved with him.
I know it's not much. I know it feels as if we are completely useless if all we do is BE there, but it truly is all many going through the very earliest stages of grief need---or can handle. They don't know how to do handle the wave of emotions that explode through them, so we can't possibly expect ourselves to know any better how to handle things or what to do. Telling a grieving mother that God only gives us what we can handle is a lie from the pits of hell because that mother most certainly has more than she can handle as she lays the body of her beloved child in the cold, hard dirt.
My heart is broken for my beloved friend and her family. I offer each and every family member and loved one up in prayer and ask God to provide the comfort and peace that passes all understanding that only He can provide. If we're going to mess up when helping our loved ones through their grieving, I pray that we err on the side of LOVE.