Help for Choosing Joy

For those of us who struggle with depression or who have been through trials understand that just choosing joy is not as easy as it sounds. We are told that the way to have joy is just to choose it. Quit thinking about the negative and focus on the positive: "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things" (Philippians 4:8 NLT). I can tell you that in the early days of each trial or on days when my depression is at a high level, just choosing joy is an impossibility. Thinking about things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and/or praiseworthy is not possible when depression or sadness rears their ugly heads.

I wish that choosing joy was as easy as thinking about good things. How I wish it with every fiber of my being.

The truth is that there much more to choosing joy than just anything.

There is clear psychological evidence that we can re-train our brains to move from pessimistic thinking to optimistic, but that re-training does not happen over-night or even with the very first optimistic thought. We must work hard, with great intentionality to be able to re-focus our thinking from the negative to the positive. 

Even doing the work, being intentional does not mean always having success in re-training our thinking. There will be set-backs throughout the process. There will be many difficult periods of time. There will be moments when allowing the sadness to consume us feels safer than taking even one more step towards choosing joy becomes as natural as breathing.

If we want to have true joy, though, if we want to be able to choose joy regardless, then we must intentionally re-train our brains. We can only that in, through, and with God and the power of His Holy Spirit in our lives. We must make Him a priority, the priority. 

We make the Lord our priority by:

1. Reading His Word. But not just reading it, studying it, living it, making it as much a part of our daily lives as eating. It does not really matter when we read the Bible (although many Bible scholars like to argue that the best time is first thing/early in the morning); what matters the most is that we spend time in the Word every single day.

2. Being grateful. One source after another that I have read over the past many years discusses the truth that gratitude is the gateway to joy. It is not an easy thing to find something to be grateful for in the midst of our severest trials in life. I know that I was not even thankful that I was alive during the first several months (and long after) we lost our James Isaac. And again with each subsequent loss over the years. Little by little, one item at a time, I began finding very real things to be grateful for: my parents, my sister, my brother, my in-laws, other family members including my extended family, my doctors and nurses and other medical staff, a soft blanket to wrap up in, a beautiful sunset, snow. . . .Eventually my ability to find anything to be grateful for outgrew my ability to keep track. I continue to be grateful.

3. Worshiping the Lord. One of the greatest ways we can re-train our brains to focus on the Lord rather than our circumstances is to worship the Lord. It has been called a "sacrifice" of praise for a reason; if you have been where I have been, you know exactly how much of a sacrifice it is to praise the Lord--to choose joy. But with every note, with every word, we move forward into God's truth.

4. Praying. Pray without ceasing. Tell God everything. Leave out nothing--not one single thought or feeling even if we are ashamed of it. God can take it. If we are angry; we admit it. Tell Him. Shout it from the rooftops if we must. Be honest with the Lord when we have come to the end of our rope and we simply cannot take even one more tragedy. (Yes, we can have more in our lives than we can handle. Study the scripture carefully, 1 Corinthians 10:13.) Tell Him exactly what is going on; tell Him exactly how you feel; tell Him when you want to end it all; call out to Him. Just pray.

5. Not being alone. Until you are able to re-train your brain, I recommend that you are rarely, if ever, alone. Surround yourself with other Believers especially those who pray with you, support you, and love you unconditionally. Avoid those who seem to want to spout platitudes, including Bible verses, in a vain attempt to help you feel better. Spend time with those who will allow you to grieve, to feel whatever you feel with zero judgment. Tell these friends what you need; they have no idea how to help, so they need you to tell them what you need and how they can help.

6. Keep waking up. Keep getting up. Keep doing something even if it is just one something every single day. Every one thing to help re-train your brain to choose joy rather than focus on the negative does help. When we just can't do even that one more thing, say His name--say the name of Jesus. There is power in the name of Jesus.

So much of what I write in my book Joy Actions speaks to specific actions we can take to help us choose joy--to help us find joy. Other authors, worship leaders, pastors, counselors, and the list goes on are available to help you be intentional regarding choosing joy. Use the resources you have. God has given them to us for a reason. Don't be like the person in the old story about the one who is trapped in a flood and, in spite of someone coming in a car, then a boat, and even a helicopter, keeps saying that God will save him. Open your eyes to see that God wants to save you; He is sending you everything you need.

"And Elisha prayed, “Open his eyes, Lord, so that he may see.” Then the Lord opened the servant’s eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha." (2 Kings 6:17 NLT)