It ALL matters

When I was in the early stages of my Joy Journey, I remember very distinctly discussing with my counselor how nothing I was doing seemed to be working. I was reading my Bible on a daily basis. I was praying every day. I was worshiping at every possible opportunity--whether I felt like worshiping or not. I was going to church. I was spending time in fellowship with other believers. I was doing one Bible study after another. I was seeking God with ALL my heart, soul, mind, and strength. But in those days, I didn't feel as if anything was working, I felt as I was going backwards rather than forwards in my healing. I was lost and wondered if I was doomed to be depressed and miserable--in a constant fog--in my dark cave--forever.

Have you ever been there? 

In spite of being so deep into my dark cave, I determined to stay with it--to continue on my Joy Journey regardless of how I FELT. 

As I am coming out on the other side of my journey into the light and out of the darkness, I want to tell you that every little thing you are doing to hang on to your faith is working--is meaningful--is making a difference--whether you FEEL as if it is or not. 

We all know that it's the little things that matter in our relationships, especially with our spouses. I don't need for my husband to go out and reserve a fancy hotel room, take me to a fancy steakhouse, or pay for a horse and buggy carriage ride through the park in order for him to be romantic. When he comes home with a Hershey's with Almonds, I want to kiss him all over! When he does the dishes or cooks supper because I've just been too busy to get to them, he makes me feel special. 

I am here to encourage you, my friends. Don't give up. Don't let the enemy take your joy or convince you that God isn't hearing your prayers. My Bible says that THE MOMENT we begin praying, God begins answering our prayers. Sometimes He answers and restores us immediately. Praise the Lord for those of you who experience that immediate restoration. Appreciate it and tell God how much you appreciate it. Show Him.

But sometimes God takes some of us on a journey to get to our

healing and restoration--to a place of Joy. Don't be discouraged in the journey. Keep trusting Him. Keep giving whatever you are able to give Him regardless of whether you FEEL like it or not.

He is faithful and He WILL restore you! He will bring you through so that you can come out of the darkness and into the light. Don't give up. One step at a time....one foot in front of the other....one Bible verse....one prayer....one worship song....one hour in fellowship with other believers....stay the course....fight the good fight of faith...run.

Hebrews 12:1

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.

Evidence of the Reality of God

*Warning: this is going to be VERY personal. Please read with love and understanding.*

Three short years ago, I thought my little family was finished. I honestly believed that a few short months after Christmas would see an end to my marriage. James and I had come to a place of being roommates rather than husband and wife. We had separated for a few weeks and I was DONE. I had decided I did not want to deal with our problems any more. I had come to a place where my anger towards my husband was so severe, NOTHING he did was right or good enough. EVERYTHING he did ticked me off and made me want to punch him in the throat. I was ready to walk away from my marriage and never look back--without any regrets.

I did not buy James a single present for Christmas. Samuel did, but I didn't. James got me something that he wanted and that only made me angry because it was what he wanted rather than something I wanted. I didn't even want James in the house let alone have him present while Samuel opened his Christmas presents that I had gotten for him.

Even my family back east did not want him anywhere near them. He was told that he was unwelcome at my parents' family gathering for Christmas. 

I will not apologize for my honesty. Every word in the truth and then some. It really was even worse than I am describing.

But God had other plans. I want you to know that it is ONLY by His grace and mercy that my family is not only together this Christmas, but that we are enjoying being together. As I watched my husband and son opening their presents earlier this evening, I was filled with overwhelming love for them both and great JOY at the fact that we are spending this special time TOGETHER.

I have not missed the Christmas miracle of these moments this year. God has restored my marriage--my family. No, things are not perfect between James and me, but I no longer hate him; I no longer want to punch him the throat just because he walks by; I no longer think that every single thing he does is wrong. I like being around him. He actually makes me laugh again. 

If you need any evidence of the reality of God, who He is, and of what He has done for us, look no further than at His Restoration of my little family. I am in awe as I sit here looking at the pictures we took tonight and how wonderful our time together has been this Christmas compared to just a short time ago. 

My prayer this Christmas is that you will all see--find--the true JOY of Jesus Christ and KNOW that He is REAL and He continues to work miracles in our lives--not just "Christmas" miracles--but miracles.

Thank you, Jesus!

Works Cited

Shen, Jean. "Series 1: Healing of Wounds of the Bride and Growing Intimacy with the Lord." Invitation to His Garden. Prophetic Art. Web. 6 Sept. 2014. <http://www.jbrushwork.com/html/paintings.html>.

God has restored my...[Giggle]

"Tara Strick

April 14 at 10:55pm ·

For those who know me since forever, I giggle it's like a known part of who I am. 15 years ago I lost that. I lost my ray of sunshine. And I didn't even notice it.
Thank god I found it again it's only been back 4 years and I am so grateful to have the ability to find joy in every situation given to me- I do search in odd ways only I get- but still I can giggle. Again. Finally. What ever you are going through don't lose who you are, not your joy, it's so hard to recover it. And thanks again for answered prayers I don't have to fight anymore. I can giggle."

For 15+ years, like me, my friend Tara has struggled with life:  depression, anxiety, sadness, inability just to enjoy life and especially friends.  Socializing, for me, has been next to impossible.  It's very difficult being around people and pretending to feel fine when in reality, I'm screaming and wanting to do nothing more than curl into a ball and die.  Pretending to be fine is a LOT of work.  It's very exhausting.

But Tara said that in recent months, maybe for a few years, she's been able to giggle again--for real--from deep inside her soul--without pretending.  A real, true, honest-to-goodness, heartfelt Giggle that says to me, "Life is good.  God is good.  I am good.  I am even happy--experiencing the true Joy of the Lord."

Tara said exactly what I have been feeling lately.  While her testament to Life/Joy/Laughter returning has been finding her Giggle again, mine has been finding not only a desire to be social again (to go to parties, friends' homes, social events, etc.), but to truly ENJOY being SOCIAL again.

Pretending was just too difficult--to hard--too exhausting--too painful.  But God's healing power is evident because I want to do things again.  I actually have FUN again in BEING in social situations.  No more anxiety!  No more shyness!  No more pretending!  Wow.  It's ONLY through God that this is possible, my friends.  The pain runs deep.  The anxiety has been--was--real.  Debilitating.  The despair made me consider ending it all.  Yes, suicide was a very real possibility.  My marriage was all but destroyed.

God's miraculous power is evident in Tara being able to Giggle again.

God's miraculous power is evident in my being able to be around people again.

God's miraculous healing power is evident in both Tara and I because we are finally able to LIVE in and through Christ again!!!

Praise the Lord!!!!  Hallelujah!!!!  Thank You, Lord!!!!

I'd much rather be LIVING in Christ than wallowing in the despair and misery of the past 16+ years.  The pit of despair is a debilitating place to be.  Living life through and in Christ is FREEING!!!

"My chains are GONE!  I'VE BEEN SET FREE!!!"

Wow.  That song has new meaning for me...

Thank You, Lord, for setting me free--for freeing Tara.  May we never be locked in those terrible destructive chains again.  May we continue to grow--to live--to find Joy in You.  Continue, Lord, please, to pour out Your anointing oil of Joy on me more than on anyone else.  Thank You, Lord.  Thank You.

"Amazing Grace/My Chains Are Gone" Chris Tomlin