Complete your ministry

2 Timothy 4:5New Living Translation (NLT)

5 But you should keep a clear mind in every situation. Don’t be afraid of suffering for the Lord. Work at telling others the Good News, and fully carry out the ministry God has given you.

New Living Translation (NLT)

Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

This verse jumped out at me the other week when my husband was preaching on a different passage, but on the same page as this verse. 

I have been struggling recently about following through with my memoir and doing what I need to do to get an agent and ultimately, I hope, to have it published by a publishing house. I had been considering self-publishing, but I believe that for this particular project, the "old-fashioned" way is the way to go.  

At the beginning of 2016, I made a list of goals, one of which was to finally follow through with my dream of having my memoir published. When I learned that I would be teaching online only for the summer, I determined that this summer is THE TIME. I set a new goal to have an agent by the end of the summer and I began doing the necessary research to create a list of agents to contact. After I had a short list (to start with), I did a little more research on writing the necessary book proposal.

And I sat down with my trusty new computer on my lap on my comfy lap desk and opened to a new Word document....only to have a panic attack as I sat and stared at the blank screen in front of me.

That was back at the beginning of my summer semester--about two months ago now--and I haven't written anything or done anything to proceed with my goal in any way, shape, form, or fashion since that fateful day. I've been almost paralyzed with fear at even the THOUGHT of writing the proposal, let alone of sending it off to any book agents!

As I have spent time praying about this over the past several weeks, the Holy Spirit has been gently chastising me in my fear. 

I doubt whether or not I am doing what God wants me to do. Is this dream of having my memoir published by a publishing house MY dream or what God has directed me to do? In my heart of heart, in the very depths of my soul, I am sure that God has given me this directive. I have had this vision, this desire--this dream--for more than 17 years now. I have heard over and over again in my life of faith that when God puts a dream in our hearts, it never goes away. That is one way we can know our dream is of Him and not of our own volition.

I doubt my worthiness in publishing my story. Why would anyone want to read my story? What makes me so "special" that I should--that I deserve--to have my story published? While I LOVE to write, what in the world makes me think that anyone else wants to read what I write even if I think that what I write is actually pretty good?

When the Holy Spirit gives us a gift, it is important that we remember that it is a GIFT, a present, given in love not because we are deserving, but simply because of love. When I don't accept His gift, He will give it to someone who will accept it with wide open arms. Considering how very much I love to write and that in my heart, I honestly don't care whether or not anyone ever reads what I write, it is clear to me that writing is one of my gifts from the Holy Spirit himself.

(Granted, I do get a little jump in my heart when I see the number of you who are reading my blog entries. I do sincerely appreciate it. But even if no one read my entries, I would still write, and that's the whole point I'm getting at.)

As we are studying Priscilla Shirer's Armor of God Bible Study in our Sunday School class, I am learning that the enemy not only attacks us where we are weak and/or vulnerable, but he also attacks us with our ministry or gift that God has given us. When we fail to fulfill God's plan for our lives, the enemy wins. When I allow my doubts or self-recrimination to keep me from following through with writing my proposal and seeking an agent, the enemy is keeping me from what God has specifically given me to do.

As we see in 2 Timothy 4:5, we are to "complete the ministry God has given us." Matthew 25:21 tells us, "His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord." I want to be able to stand in front of my Lord and Savior on the day of judgment and hear Him to say to ME, "Well done, my good and faithful servant....enter, Polly, into the JOY of your Lord!" I don't want to be like the wicked servant who feared he would lose his gift so he buried it, causing his lord to cast him into darkness. 

I have read many books on achieving dreams and goals and of pursuing our purpose in life. I am well aware of all the scriptures as well as platitudes that are spouted to help us on our journey to achieve our dreams and not allow anything to get in our way. I know the road is never easy. The path to the top of the mountain is a difficult one, with rocks in the path, getting lost, difficult weather, and even more difficult terrain to traverse. In spite of all the difficulties (sorrows, even) that I must go through on this journey, getting to the top of the mountain, so I'm told and have experience when I've acheived goals and dreams in the past, is so very much worth every difficult step.

I do not want to be one who allows fear or doubt or being unsure of my calling keep me from completing the ministry God has given me. I covet your prayers. It is not about making a name for myself or making money or selling a lot of books. It is all about completing--doing--the ministry the Holy Spirit has gifted me.

What about you? What is keeping you from following your dreams?

God Still Rescues

Exodus 13-14 New Living Translation (NLT) 

13 3 So Moses said to the people, “This is a day to remember forever—the day you left Egypt, the place of your slavery. Today the Lord has brought you out by the power of his mighty hand.  5 You must celebrate this event...
8 “On the seventh day you must explain to your children, ‘I am celebrating what the Lord did for me when I left Egypt.’ 9 This annual festival will be a visible sign to you, like a mark branded on your hand or your forehead. Let it remind you always to recite this teaching of the Lord: ‘With a strong hand, the Lord rescued you from Egypt.’[b] 10 So observe the decree of this festival at the appointed time each year.14 “And in the future, your children will ask you, ‘What does all this mean?’ Then you will tell them, ‘With the power of his mighty hand, the Lord brought us out of Egypt, the place of our slavery. 16 This ceremony will be like a mark branded on your hand or your forehead. It is a reminder that the power of the Lord’s mighty hand brought us out of Egypt.”Israel’s Wilderness Detour17 When Pharaoh finally let the people go, God did not lead them along the main road that runs through Philistine territory, even though that was the shortest route to the Promised Land. God said, “If the people are faced with a battle, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.” 18 So God led them in a roundabout way through the wilderness....21 The Lord went ahead of them. He guided them during the day with a pillar of cloud, and he provided light at night with a pillar of fire. This allowed them to travel by day or by night. 22 And the Lord did not remove the pillar of cloud or pillar of fire from its place in front of the people.14 10 As Pharaoh approached, the people of Israel looked up and panicked when they saw the Egyptians overtaking them. They cried out to the Lord...
13 But Moses told the people, “Don’t be afraid. Just stand still and watch theLord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again.14 The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.”Escape through the Red Sea15 Then the Lord said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to me? Tell the people to get moving! 16 Pick up your staff and raise your hand over the sea. Divide the water so the Israelites can walk through the middle of the sea on dry ground. 17 And I will harden the hearts of the Egyptians, and they will charge in after the Israelites. My great glory will be displayed through Pharaoh and his troops, his chariots, and his charioteers. 18 When my glory is displayed through them, all Egypt will see my glory and know that I am the Lord!”19 Then the angel of God, who had been leading the people of Israel, moved to the rear of the camp. The pillar of cloud also moved from the front and stood behind them.
25 He twisted[f] their chariot wheels, making their chariots difficult to drive. “Let’s get out of here—away from these Israelites!” the Egyptians shouted. “The Lord is fighting for them against Egypt!”29 But the people of Israel had walked through the middle of the sea on dry ground, as the water stood up like a wall on both sides.  31 When the people of Israel saw the mighty power that the Lord had unleashed against the Egyptians, they were filled with awe before him. They put their faith in the Lord.... 

New Living Translation (NLT)Holy Bible. New Living Translation copyright© 1996, 2004, 2007, 2013 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

*Yes, there are verses and words missing from the above.  I tried to indicate where I broke off.  I know you know the story and I wanted certain parts to stand out.  Please read the whole story in the Bible when you get a chance.*

I beg your indulgence here as I break down the Word I have received from the Lord in these verses....

Exodus 13-14 New Living Translation (NLT)

13 3 So Moses said to the people, “This is a day to remember forever—the day you left Egypt, the place of your slavery. Today the Lord has brought you out by the power of his mighty hand.  5 You must celebrate this event...8 “On the seventh day you must explain to your children, ‘I am celebrating what the Lord did for me when I left Egypt.’ 9 This annual festival will be a visible sign to you, like a mark branded on your hand or your forehead. Let it remind you always to recite this teaching of the Lord: ‘With a strong hand, the Lord rescued you from Egypt.’[b] 10 So observe the decree of this festival at the appointed time each year.14 “And in the future, your children will ask you, ‘What does all this mean?’ Then you will tell them, ‘With the power of his mighty hand, the Lord brought us out of Egypt, the place of our slavery. 16 This ceremony will be like a mark branded on your hand or your forehead. It is a reminder that the power of the Lord’s mighty hand brought us out of Egypt.”Israel’s Wilderness Detour

We are meant to remember the day we left our own Egypt, the place of our slavery--to celebrate the Lord bringing us out by the power of his mighty hand.  My "Egypt" (my place of slavery) in recent years has been a place of rage and depression.  At its height, I also dealt with severe anxiety.  I was a basket case.  I honestly wondered why I was still walking around in public rather than sitting inside a hospital under careful watch.  As I have mentioned before, things were so bad, I hated everything about my life.  In my desperation, like the Israelites, I cried out to God and He heard my cry.

17 When Pharaoh finally let the people go, God did not lead them along the main road that runs through Philistine territory, even though that was the shortest route to the Promised Land. God said, “If the people are faced with a battle, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.” 18 So God led them in a roundabout way through the wilderness....21 The Lord went ahead of them. He guided them during the day with a pillar of cloud, and he provided light at night with a pillar of fire. This allowed them to travel by day or by night. 22 And the Lord did not remove the pillar of cloud or pillar of fire from its place in front of the people.

Do you see that?  God did not lead the Israelites along the

straightest, shortest, quickest route to The Promised Land.  God led them in a roundabout way through the wilderness!  My journey to my own personal Promised Land has not been the straightest, shortest, or quickest route.  It is frustrating and, quite often, very discouraging.  I want to get to my Promised Land.  I want to be healed completely of my rage, depression, and anxiety.  I hate when I go to those horrible places.  I hate myself when I lose my temper or when I go days on end wanting to curl up into a ball and give up on life.  But when I am at my lowest, all I have to do is look up and see my Lord as He leads me through this horrific journey.  When I am at my lowest, He is still there, guiding and lighting my way.  It truly is a source of great comfort knowing that I am not alone in this long, horrific journey.

10 As Pharaoh approached, the people of Israel looked up and panicked when they saw the Egyptians overtaking them. They cried out to the Lord...

13 But Moses told the people, “Don’t be afraid. Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again.14 The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.”Escape through the Red Sea 15 Then the Lord said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to me? Tell the people to get moving! 16 Pick up your staff and raise your hand over the sea. Divide the water so the Israelites can walk through the middle of the sea on dry ground. 17 And I will harden the hearts of the Egyptians, and they will charge in after the Israelites. My great glory will be displayed through Pharaoh and his troops, his chariots, and his charioteers. 18 When my glory is displayed through them, all Egypt will see my glory and know that I am the Lord!”19 Then the angel of God, who had been leading the people of Israel, moved to the rear of the camp. The pillar of cloud also moved from the front and stood behind them.

25 He twisted[f] their chariot wheels, making their chariots difficult to drive. “Let’s get out of here—away from these Israelites!” the Egyptians shouted. “The Lord is fighting for them against Egypt!”29 But the people of Israel had walked through the middle of the sea on dry ground, as the water stood up like a wall on both sides.  31 When the people of Israel saw the mighty power that the Lord had unleashed against the Egyptians, they were filled with awe before him. They put their faith in the Lord.... 

This word for the Israelites, "Don't be afraid.  Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today" is for His people still TODAY.  Yes, this passage of scripture is speaking specifically about the Israelites as they escape slavery in Egypt, but when we read the Word, we are reminded over and over that He is still with us; He is still rescuing us!  Ephesians tells us to put on the armor of God so that we may STAND and see His glory.  Just as God fought the Egyptians for the Israelites, God will fight for us--for you!  For me!  He is fighting for me!  He loves me so much that He is rescuing me from the cave (of rage, depression, and anxiety) that I have been in!  

And the best part?  His great glory will be displayed through His salvation!  Others will see His glory when my rescue is complete--when I reach my own Promised Land!  I don't want or deserve any glory or recognition for coming out of a place of rage, depression, or anxiety.  If it were up to me, like the Israelites, I would want to go back to Egypt (my place of slavery) because it was safe there....I was comfortable there....it was familiar ground.  

This winding, twisting journey the Lord has me on is scary, frustrating, and often discouraging because the Promised Land of complete healing seems so very far away.  But God is going before and behind me.  He is making a way where there seems to be no way.  And when the enemy attempts to attack me again and get me to turn back to that horrible place of darkness, God's command to me is to stand back and watch Him fight for me--watch Him RESCUE me!!!

Hallelujah!  I am so thankful.  I gotta tell ya, friends, that the fact that my job is just to stand and watch is more wonderful than words can describe.  Going on this journey is exhausting.  I am tired.  I barely even have enough energy left to Stand, so I certainly don't have enough energy to fight.  

Thank You, Lord.  Thank You.  Thank You.  Thank You!  My journey isn't over.  I am not out of my cave--I haven't reached the Promised Land God has prepared for me, yet.  But I am on my way and God is going before me and behind me.  He is with me through every single step of this journey.  I do not need to be afraid.  I just need to STAND and watch the might power of the Lord! 

My Very First Crisis of Faith

 I have a story to tell.  It’s not that my story is better than yours—or worse.  It’s simply my story and I’m choosing to tell—to share—it with you.  Take of it as you will.

Growing up, I never really had any reason to worry about anything happening to me.  I was safe and secure in my parents’ love and protection as well as that of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  I became a Christian at a very young age.  From what my parents tell me, I was about three years old when I accepted Jesus into my heart.  While there are times when I wish I knew my salvation birthday as so many others do, I have always been proud of the fact that I accepted Christ so young and that I have never strayed from that walk with my beloved Lord and Savior.

Has my walk been perfect?  Have I been perfect and behaved at all times as a proper Christian is expected to behave?

Good heavens, no!  Can you honestly tell me, Friend, that you have never done anything whatsoever to fail our Precious Savior?

No one can because the Bible says that “ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God” (emphasis mine) (Romans 3:23, NLT).  Even Christians make mistakes.  Even Christians aren’t perfect.  I wish that every part of my life, every word out of my mouth, every moment of every day, everything I have ever done has been exactly what He would have of me.

But I am human.  I am fallible.

With all that being said, for the most part, in my young life, I never came up against any true trials or tribulations.  I never experienced any true suffering in my early years.

The first trial I really experienced was when I was let go from a job that I loved.  I had been working at the day care for the church where I was also attending.  I was the after school teacher for the five and six year olds.  At the time, I was in college, around 19 or 20 years old, studying to be a high school English teacher; I loved those kids.  I can still tell you many of their names and I think of them with great fondness.  I have great memories of those wonderful children.

I was blind-sided by the release from the job.  I was walking in to work one afternoon after my morning classes when my boss was suddenly standing in front of me.  I had only stepped a few feet away from my car, so not only was I surprised to see him appear, I was also surprised to see him outside the building rather than meeting with him in his office.

He proceeded to tell me that he didn’t need me anymore and that he didn’t want me going to work that day at all; he wanted me to get right back in my car and drive away.  I was not allowed to go say good bye to my kids. 

I was heart-broken; I don’t think I need to tell you.  I cried for days.  To this day, just talking about it still makes me sadder than I can even begin to describe.  Not only did I never go back to the day care, I also never went back to the church.

It was my first crisis of faith (as my college Religion professor called it).

I did not quit going to church; I just quit going to that church.  I have also never graced the doors of a church of the same denomination again, either.  (Don’t ask me what denomination; I won’t tell you.)  The knife of betrayal just went too deep and I couldn’t face my old boss any more, not even during a Sunday morning service.  Smiling and pretending that my spirit hadn’t been crushed was simply an impossibility.     

So I ran like the coward I was.