PollyAnna's Definition of JOY

This post has been a long time coming. LOL! 

First of all, as I begin my definition of JOY, I know that most people who define JOY begin by comparing it to happiness. As that has been done repeatedly and you can find it in more sources about JOY and happiness than not, I am going to forego that comparison here. If you disagree with my decision, please feel free to add your comparison in the comments section for me. I will not complain. :) 

Secondly, I hope that you understand that the definition of JOY that follows is my own, PollyAnna's, but it is based on my own study on JOY that I have been doing for the past 10 years. For the sake of this very first post being a quick, simple definition of JOY, I am not going to post/share my references/sources and other background information from my extensive study on JOY. I am simply going to share my brainstorming of my definition here. Future posts will delve deeper into each individual aspect and will include specific sources and so on. My purpose here is just to share my definition of JOY with you so that I can begin the conversation, which I truly hope will happen.

Thirdly, JOY truly is my jam. The Lord has anointed me with His anointing oil of JOY. No matter how bad things get in my life, God continues to remind me of His anointing. He continues to give me strength through JOY. He continues to sing over me with JOY. He continues to call me His JOY Song. I can't run from it, no matter how hard I might try. ;) Even in my deepest, darkest days, God has found me and has turned my mourning into JOY as only the Creator of the Universe can.

So when I talk about JOY, I hope that you understand that it comes from a place inside of my very soul that is seeking to honor this anointing God has placed on me as well as the gifts He has given me. I can only be obedient to what He has called me to do. 

A number of years ago as I was copying down all the verses on JOY in the Bible (something I wanted to do as part of my study on JOY), it struck me how often I was writing down words of ACTION for JOY. (For those of you who might be new, I am an English major, so noticing something like that comes naturally to me. 😀) I went back to the verses I had already copied and read them again. One after another: action verb, action verb, etc. I continued with the rest and it was the same: action verb, action verb, action verb, etc.

If you don't believe me, look:

1. Dancing.  1 Samuel 18:6 
2. Shouting.  2 Samuel 6:15 
3. Playing an instrument. Psalm 27:6 
4. Bowing in worship.  2 Chronicles 29:30 
5. Singing.  Psalm 100:2 
6. Praising the Lord so that the very ground shakes.  1 Kings 1:40 
7. Celebrating.  1 Chronicles 12:40
8. Eating.  Ecclesiastes 9:7 
9. Feasting and drinking.  1 Chronicles 29:22 
10. Gift giving.  1 Chronicles 29:17 
11. Even weeping.  Yes, weeping. Ezra 3:13 
12. Sacrificing.  Nehemiah 12:43 
13. Laughing. And even skipping!  1 Chronicles 15:29 
14. Hand clapping.  Nahum 3:19 
15. Leaping.  Malachi 4:2
16. Restoring.  Job 33:26 
17. Forgiving.  Psalm 32:1 
18. Salvation.  Psalm 51:12 (I know this is written as a noun, but you have to ask for salvation and then receive it, so there is quite a bit of action involved in salvation!)
19. Crying (tears).  Jeremiah 31:9 
20. Enthusiasm!  Deuteronomy 28:47 (Ok, this one's not actually an action verb, but you have to HAVE enthusiasm and that involves an action, right?)
21. Giving birth.  John 16:21 
22. Putting our faith into practice and standing firm.  2 Corinthians 1:24 
23. Growing spiritually.  Philippians 1:25 
24. Acceptance.  Hebrews 10:34 (Again, another noun, but acceptance involves action, so in spite of it being written as a noun, you can't have the noun without the action, so. . . .)
25. Sharing.  1 John 1:4 

Isn't that beautiful??? So, if there are 25 different verses (that I've listed here based on the New Living Translation of the Bible) in the Bible with ACTION VERBS on JOY, doesn't that stand to reason that when it comes to defining JOY, especially in regard to our Jesus, that there is some sort of action involved? It's enough for me even if it's not enough for you. 😁😁

Bear with me, now. I haven't fully created a specific definition as yet. But when it comes to JOY, it has to do with excitement, enthusiasm in Jesus that creates such a high that the person is unable to physically contain it, so he/she must do something physical for release. It's better than the high of any drug or human emotion/feeling. It can only come from God/Jesus/the Holy Spirit. And when it comes, you wanna dance, jump, sing, shout, leap, clap, play, eat, feast, cry, celebrate, praise the Lord, laugh, run, and even forgive! 

There is no way to contain JOY in your physical body! It must come out in some way, shape, form or fashion!! If I'm happy, I might smile or simply just BE. But if I'm JOYFUL, I have to DO!! BEING simply isn't enough!!! 

I know that I have trouble sitting still. I love to laugh, shout, sing, smile, clap, play, eat, feast, celebrate, praise the Lord, dance, jump, play, celebrate, and especially cry and weep. I cry and weep especially well when I'm both JOYFULL (my spelling) and sorrowful. Some of my friends even move away from me sometimes, but that's ok. The Lord anointed me with His anointing oil of JOY more than anyone else (Psalm 45:7 & Hebrews 1:9), so that's to be expected sometimes. They don't all understand. It does hurt my feelings because I'm human, but I remind myself that God is working and I put it in His hands. I cry a little more, pray, and move on.

JOY is is more than happiness because it's an action. Over the next several weeks/posts (possibly 25, lol), I hope to talk more about how JOY is an action. I hope you'll stay with me. 

Desperate for Encouragement

I am going to use this post to be vulnerable and share with you that I am desperate for encouragement. 

My anxiety is through the roof. 

Since God sealed my cave almost 2 years ago (see previous entries), I have found a whole new cave that I have RUN into. The darkness has surrounded me again and I am not so sure that I want to come out ever again. I know my Jesus is at the entrance to my cave calling my name in love as He watches over and protects me. I just cannot bring myself to listen and respond. 

At this moment in time, with my anxiety level so high, it FEELS that there is more comfort to be found in the darkness than in my Savior's Light.

It's just TOO hard to go on CHOOSING JOY every day, every hour of every day, every second of every day. 

I am reading scripture; I am in the Word. I am speaking the Word. I am listening to and singing worship songs. I am reading and doing Bible Studies. But I am struggling.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month and I am 1 in 4.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month--October 2015

As we come to the end of National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month, I wanted to share a few thoughts.

First of all, I would like to put it out there that one month of attempting to make more people aware of pregnancy and infant loss is simply not enough. People need to be aware of this important subject year round--as we do for so many other vitally important diseases and causes. I am glad that there is at least a time of attempting to make more people aware of something so important. I am thankful that there are those who are willing to do what it takes to stop the silence.

When I lost James Isaac 16 years ago, I only spoken to or known of one person in my life who had ever suffered child loss. The woman I knew had had a stillbirth more than 15 years prior to my stillbirth. She had pictures of her baby throughout her home. She was not afraid or ashamed to share her story. I remember (prior to my stillbirth) being very uncomfortable, yet feeling very sad, around this amazing woman. But she was the only woman who had ever shared with me that she had lost a child.

Once we had our stillbirth, women seemed to crawl out of the woodwork sharing with me about their losses--mostly miscarriages. Because of the fact that many of these women shared their stories with me while I was still in the midst of the shock stage of my grief, I honestly don't remember exactly which women shared their stories with me or even what their stories were. I do know that there were quite a few of them.

My point is that we shouldn't wait until a friend or loved one loses a baby before we share our stories.

We should share our stories with love, pride, and yes, even joy. I loved--love--all three of the babies I lost. I am not a mommy of JUST my living, breathing son, Samuel; I am mommy to James Isaac (born & died March 17, 1999), Panya Ruth (miscarried November 10, 1999), Samuel Josiah (b. May 1, 2001), and Anna Rose (miscarried November 22, 2005).

So secondly, it is important for those of us who are part of this Family to be able to feel free to say that we are Mommy to more than just one child without feeling as if we've brought the roof down or without making everyone around us uncomfortable.

Who do we "fix" or change that? The only way to change the awkwardness around us whenever someone brings up "lost" babies is to be loving and simply let the Mommy (or Daddy) talk. In spite of our desire to say something to "help," saying nothing is typically the best option--except to ask a question or to gently and lovingly let the Mommy know that she is in a "safe" place with a "safe" person. Hugs go a LONG way. As do simple touches. 

Over the past 16 years, I quit sharing with so many people about my losses. The uneasiness that comes into a room says more than any words could possibly say. I don't like or want to make people uncomfortable. But I do want to share about my babies.

I loved--love--them. They were real for me. They ARE real for me. Yes, it is painful for me to talk about my babies, but even more than that, it especially painful to act as if they never were--never to speak their names or to share with others how very much I love each of them.

In truth, writing this blog (and my Memoir) is not easy for me. I am scared to death of how you will receive my story. Not to mention the simple fact that sharing my story is still painful--even though the first loss happened more than 16 years ago. With each post I write, I feel as if I am wearing my heart outside my body, but I've heard that every mother feels that way about her child--whether here on this earth or in heaven.

We're taught about being sensitive, loving, and understanding with those who have physical challenges and disabilities, mental challenges and disabilities, widows/widowers, children who have lost their parents or grandparents or other loved one, and especially with those of a different race. But we aren't taught about being sensitive, loving, and understanding with those who suffer the loss of a baby. We have NO idea what to do with those who have lost a baby.

I'm here to tell you that we need to be sensitive, loving, and understanding with Mommies whose arms are empty. We deserve that, too.

Works Cited

Shen, Jean. "Series 1: Healing of Wounds of the Bride and Growing Intimacy with the Lord." Invitation to His Garden. Prophetic Art. Web. 6 Sept. 2014. <http://www.jbrushwork.com/html/paintings.html>.