My anxiety is through the roof.
Since God sealed my cave almost 2 years ago (see previous entries), I have found a whole new cave that I have RUN into. The darkness has surrounded me again and I am not so sure that I want to come out ever again. I know my Jesus is at the entrance to my cave calling my name in love as He watches over and protects me. I just cannot bring myself to listen and respond.
At this moment in time, with my anxiety level so high, it FEELS that there is more comfort to be found in the darkness than in my Savior's Light.
It's just TOO hard to go on CHOOSING JOY every day, every hour of every day, every second of every day.
I am reading scripture; I am in the Word. I am speaking the Word. I am listening to and singing worship songs. I am reading and doing Bible Studies. But I am struggling.
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month and I am 1 in 4.
Oh dear Polly Anna, hide not in the darkness. God is waiting for you to step outside. I know that you can hear the wind, and feel the heat of the great flames, and the shuttering of the earthquakes, just like Elijah... Listen sweat lady and you will hear the gentle whisper too... 1 Kings 19:13 "When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. And a voice said, 'What are you doing here, Elijah?'" But this time the voice is calling to you Polly. Don't hide in the darkness. The world needs your light!
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