He would be 18 this year....a high school senior

There is so much to be JOY-Full about in the month of March: my parents' anniversary, birthdays for a number of friends, family, and loved ones, good things happening at work and in my personal life, and first day of Spring. So many wonderful reasons to Celebrate.

But as we move further into the month of March, my heart is heavy,

too. Exactly two weeks from today, James Isaac would have been turning 18 years old. This is the year he would be graduating from high school and going off to college. But I'm not helping anyone select just the right college. I don't have to worry about filling out college applications or scholarship applications. Or even begin praying over him as he prepares to enter the military--that certainly could have been a realistic choice for him. I'm not spending any money for Senior portraits, graduation cap & gown, graduation announcements, a class ring, or even a downpayment on a place for him to live. We aren't visiting colleges. 

I'm not preparing myself for the day when he gets in his car and drives off to school--or we drop him off--and our home has one less body. I'll never tease him about only coming home so Mom can do his laundry or fix him a good, hot meal. 

He won't be going to see much-anticipated movies like Logan or John Wick with his brother [or me]. I won't be dragging him to see the live-action version of Beauty and the Beast as his 18th birthday present since it opens on his birthday.

We aren't planning a family Senior trip for both my nephew and James Isaac as we should be doing.

As others celebrate St. Patrick's Day, we celebrate life and love and the loss of a life. So when I wear Blue on March 17 instead of green, don't pinch me. I'll ALWAYS wear blue on March 17.

Always.

I can't tell you how desperately I want to have such wonders going on right now. 

*Don't worry. I'm ok. My heart is just heavy.